i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
