My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
