everyone is single if you try hard enough
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
