Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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