I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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