I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
