U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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