I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
