don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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