There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
