3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
