She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
