if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
