morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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