Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm like, not good at living.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
