Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
