He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
