There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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