my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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