Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
