I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
