Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
