I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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