covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
