Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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