i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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