Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize