I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
