T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
