i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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