do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
