toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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