I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
