you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
