ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
