feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
