If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
