Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
