I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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