Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
