explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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