we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
