He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize