I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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