I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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