Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
