why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
God, I missed his penis.
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