Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
