i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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