Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
