whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
