Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize