Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
