I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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