I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
