So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
