I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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